Flash Back Friday

What I loved about my Wedding Day...

I know it sounds trite, but I got to marry my best friend, my perfect half - and he was cute too! (It's not just me because I've had other women stop and tell me he's handsome.)

I didn't know it at the time but our relationship would weave into a tight and sturdy fabric based on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work...

The Stake President who married us, later sealed us in the temple.

I loved that my dress was simple, nothing too over the top and puffy - no bad use of satin and tulle, I still like it today - although I guess every bride would say that! My wedding and reception was the same...simple and easy. (Maybe not for my Mom though!)

I loved that it was a warm August evening. The day's warmth passing into the evening to make it perfect. The profusion of flowers blooming abundantly in the warmth of late summer. We had a simple dinner following the ceremony, the food fit the warm summer evening. The Reception was a dessert bar with lots of yummy sweets to indulge in.

That we weren't stuck in a line the whole time, we could mingle and talk with people. Here I stole away to talk with some of my best friends from high school, Suzy and prego Shandee. I don't know what Jessica was up to - but we got a good laugh from it!

Little girls treated you and looked at you like you were royalty.

We spent this day with many loved ones and friends who have passed on and I love thinking about the day shared with those whom I miss so dearly. It was a day spent celebrating our families and the formation of a new one. What could be better?

I'm sure everyone looks back at their own wedding day with the same fondness, but I just thought my day was perfect, and it was for us.

Eight Years

Just hours old

6 weeks

8 years ago, at 1am I woke up the morning of my due date, to the concern that I had just wet my pants. I wasn't quite sure what was going on so I changed and went back to bed and then felt my abdomen tightening and more "leakage" and realized my "water" had probably just "broke". When I called the hospital the lady seemed relaxed and said I should probably come in and get it checked out. Thinking there was no urgency (hearing the horror stories about hours of waiting for that first baby to come) I showered, packed a few things to make sure I had everything in my bag, cleaned and wiped down the babies room, did some wash, replaced the tin foil on my stove, dusted, all the while having contractions where I would have to stop and hold my belly, lean over a bit while feeling fluid leak out. As they got more consistent Erik showered and we hopped in the car.

On the way to the hospital I called my office to tell them I wouldn't be in for my last day of work.

When we arrived at the hospital the nurse seemed upset that I had waited 6 hours before coming in...they should have expressed their concerns better over the phone...anyway, they got me in a room and hooked up to millions of cords and monitoring equipment and the day started. I was barely dilated and since I was working against the clock to get the baby here within the acceptable time after leaking fluid, they started me on medication to encourage my contractions. At about a 3 1/2 I asked for an epidural (go women who can do it all natural!!). The baby was having some trouble so they started me on some oxygen and started pushing fluid back into my uterus to lift the baby off the umbilical cord. I was told to lay on my side as she seemed to do better in that position. I spent the day crunching ice chips, begging for a mint or gum or just to brush my teeth to no avail.

By 4-ish I was getting sick of everything and felt like my epidural was wearing off so they had the anesthesiologist come and re administer the epidural. I was still feeling a lot of pain so I told the nurse and she said lets check you, as it had been a bit. When she did I sensed her reaction. Surprised eyes quickly running out to call the doctor with a passing "You're ready to go!" The nurses clamored to bring in all the necessary tools and equipment, started me doing some pushing before the doctor arrived, when he did we pushed for about 10 minutes and at 5:01pm out came the most beautiful little girl with fuzzy dark hair, skinny little arms and legs and long toes and fingers which equalled 10 of each! Her ears were perfect and because she dropped so quickly and came so fast her head was beautifully shaped.

Words cannot fully express everything which goes through your head in a moment like this but I remember being so amazed that we brought this life into the world and being consumed by the love I immediately felt for her. They placed her on my chest immediately after she was born and it felt amazing to have her close. I instantly wanted to protect her and give her everything possible to thrive and succeed. Erik's eye's were bloodshot and red and as I saw him cradle her with the utmost care and love, I quickly saw the loving and good father he would be.

Everyone laughed and joked -- "of coarse Ashley would have her baby one her due date" -- but it is totally McCall. She is so easy and just does what she is supposed to do when she is supposed to do it. She was such a sweet baby and that hasn't changed. She has remained beautiful and sweet. As the oldest she devoured our attention and grew in love. At six weeks she began to grin and show excitement at seeing us and she continued(s) to amaze us with her charm and intelligence.

Eight years later I look back at the time spent with this sweet spirit and wish I could slow time down or capture each moment in a bottle. It seems like it's gone so fast and I just wonder what the next eight years will hold. Will they fly by as fast? McCall is the sweetest girl. She has a huge heart for people and for her family. She is vivacious for learning and in all subjects. She wants to know how everything works. She is naturally intelligent and book smart but she is really street smart and can figure things out and spends time considering how things work. She loves to be right beside me and wants to fix things, make things, create things. She loves to try and learn new things. I could go on and on about her amazing talents, traits and skills.

As I told her this morning, the day she was born was the greatest day!

The girls and I visited Thanksgiving Point on Thursday after/evening. In honor of Elizabeth's newly found understanding of the game "I SPY" I thought I'd list a few (10) things we "spy-ed" while wandering...

1- black and yellow garden snake

2- two green frogs

3- two large snail shells - dead (they float really well down the stream, Elizabeth discovered that rocks don't)

4- (McCall) a rabbit or some small animal she's not sure

5- three huge dragon flies and three monarch butterflies

6- lots of new baby Koi

7- green acorns with brown little "hats" scattered beneath the trees

8- tiniest little pink flowers that you would only notice by getting down to look closely - they had a yellow star center so the girls aptly named them "pink star flowers"

9- crazy hip hopping grasshoppers which we lost count of

10- a green Caterpillar curled inside a pink and white snap dragon

Flash Back Friday

This was a picture from Jr. High....you can clearly see that bad bangs were very hot that year!

I was talking to McCall about school and stuff and it got me thinking about how great those years were. In elementary school everyone was cool. You just hung out with whomever....when you had a party there were so many to chose from that you just picked your closest few. There were no "popular" or "not popular" -- sure there was always someone who picked their nose or maybe didn't wash enough and carried a disturbing aroma -- but other than personal hygiene issues no one differentiated between "cool" or "uncool". One week you are playing with one friend and the next with someone else and it doesn't matter.

Then Jr. High hits and with such a huge number of students you start to see fellow classmates in categories. Unfortunately, at such a young age kids struggle to find "their" group. By high school things settle back down a bit. You find your place and get comfortable with your skin and the social circles open back up. With such a huge number of student bodies it is impossible to hang out with everyone but unlike in Jr. High you mature and realize that there are lots of "COOL" groups.It has been so much fun to keep up on some of those friendships! Not only those from school but those from church.

I have been so fortunate to keep up with some of my home ward girls -- we grew up together -- and while maybe we didn't always run in the same immediate circles -- we were always joined by our time learning to live the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is so amazing to see what wonderful women they have become and renew those friendships! I'm so glad we keep in touch.

Talking to McCall about her friends and her upcoming advancement into the Faith in God program I am so excited for the friendships she will make! I hate to see her grow up and I love my babies but she is just so much fun right now. I hope that she will be able to treasure those friendships like I do and look back on this time with happy memories.

Sweet and Simple

I have spent the last week trying to implement the above thought...I have found that as I FOCUS more completely on getting done what the Lord wants me to do, I am able to accomplish so much more and the day is just better. So many times in the past I felt overwhelmed with everything I needed or wanted to get done. Lately I have been sporadic in my scripture study and morning prayers. I never seemed to get on top of all that needed to get done and I always felt like I needed to do MORE, MORE, MORE -- I still have yet to accomplish everything I feel I need to do -- but I have had such a turn around.

Maybe it's being free of guilt. All morning I'd tell myself to get down on my knee's and pray and the day would just keep slipping away. Or stop everything and take a moment to open up the scriptures and contemplate a chapter. Every evening as I prayed I'd feel guilty for not getting things right to fill my personal spiritual reservoir. As a family we are getting things right but I was sacrificing my spiritual needs to what I felt were the demands of the day.

It is sort of the Chicken or the Egg question...was my day better because I read my scriptures, opened my morning on my knee's, knelt with the girls before school? OR because I took care of those things first, was I able to fulfill everything else through the day without the frustration of knowing I left something important out. Is it simply obedience to His counsel or was there something physical in the things I read that helped me to better manage the day?

I am so grateful to the Lord for helping me to filter through the unimportant and FOCUS on what is important. I have always wanted to be a good mother and wife and I know that children learn by example. I don't just want my daughters to know the facts about the gospel. More important than reciting the dates and names, I want them to know and understand and live those principles.

So in honor of NieNie... even though after school we had violin to practice, spelling words to study, reading to complete, scavenger items to find, signs to make, quilt square to finish...breath....the girls and I spent the hour before heading off to dance creating notes on strips of paper telling people to read and inside writing things like "You are special." "You are beautiful." "God loves You!" We hid some of them today and tomorrow after school we will go around town and hide the rest so that someone can find a little fortune note to remind them of their worth and to enjoy the little things! (And you know, amazingly, we were able to finish everything on my above list this evening!)

The results are in...and the winner is...

YELLOW AND PINK

Since I have McCall's quilt with reds and pinks, Elizabeth's with blue's and pink's, I think it will be nice to change it up and go with the yellow and the pink. I love blue everything, so it was a hard choice but like each of my girls -- I want the quilts different -- so while the pinks tie them together the yellow will change it up from the other quilts. Now I just need to start cutting out the pieces and get sewing! If you don't see me for awhile -- I'm in my cave sewing.

Disappointment & Gardner Village

So it's been forever since I've posted. Life has been crazy. Our entire family got the gumbo a week ago and everyone was throwing up and just plain miserable. Of coarse it followed just days after getting all our carpets cleaned (luckily we avoided major disaster).

Then I did a little soul searching over the past week and evaluated myself as a parent. I've been crazy driving McCall to 4 hours of dance a week, 1 hour of violin, Elizabeth 1 hour of dance, trying to keep a 1 year old entertained the whole time, doing homework and practicing dance and violin and I was just feeling really strung up. So I talked with some good therapists (my friends) and was able to step back and look at what result I wanted and what I was doing to get there.

I found that I was placing too much pressure on my kids and that I needed to step back. There is such a fine line between not expecting enough out of your kids and then on the other side of the spectrum putting too much pressure and expectations on them.

A Stake President in Alpine once said that kids should be allowed to be involved in two things. He split it up into one thing they want and one thing the parents wanted. As I have evaluated and read, and talked to other people I admire...I really saw the negative effects of over stimulating children in too many things and I also understood the effects of the other style -- not allowing children to develop skills and talents, not expecting high things out of them.

So I am really trying to back off a little on my expectations and the pressure I put on my kids. I still expect lots of great things but I am laying off just a bit.

I also am focusing on getting up early to take care of the all important scripture study and prayer and trying to implement better morning prayer with the girls before school -- which I haven't been very good at.

AFTER all this soul searching I was really looking forward to a St. George trip with some of my friends but the week had been so hard on my family being sick and all and we have the drama with Elizabeth now...swimming...memories of throwing up...she thinks if she eats dinner she will throw up now...she cries and covers her mouth up at the dinner table now...we told her she'd have to go to bed if she doesn't try and she doesn't even battle it...she just goes and gets her pajamas on and gets into bed. It is heartbreaking!!! But what can I do -- I won't force her after all the trauma she's been through.

Anyway, I was so excited for this St. George trip but mid week I realized I just couldn't leave them for the weekend. I was so disappointed but thank you Mandi for cheering me up. Mandi and I headed up to Gardner Village on Saturday and did some shopping (I am loving my new top and necklace) and we grabbed some yummy food at the restaurant, which I'm craving right now... Did a little house touring (if I had an extra $100,000 sitting around this house on her block would be mine! Someday when it's right it will happen.) I found a tv stand that I think just might work...oh, and Pumpkin fudge is in season. So all around it was a great trip! Thanks for cheering me up and making me happy & laugh Mandi!

I had book club this week too and I just LOVE the girls at book club. We just have the neatest women and we always have the best discussions. There are so many women I look up to and so it's so great to get together once a month with them.

I'm so grateful for a Father in Heaven who has a plan for each of us. For the angels he sends to comfort and counsel and help us through! I feel really blessed!!!!!!!

School Days

Elizabeth started pre-school today. She was so excited and could hardly contain herself! She had so much to say on the way home, just chattering about everything! I can't believe she is old enough to be in preschool. It is bittersweet to see her moving up and experiencing all these new and grown up things! Congratulations on your big 1st day!